i'll tell you a secret.. if you don't tell

first and foremost: merry christmas.

it seems like i haven't been in good mood lately- that all i've been doing is swearing and swearing... and being ungrateful. perhaps.. it is because I have been a horrible human being lately. i can say with guilt that.. yes.. i have not been breathing. i have been keeping my breath pent up. i don't have an explanation for it. i don't have an answer to why I have been feeling like this... some might say its stress. some might say bitch. maybe pms? or...maybe its when you find yourself caught in between two things that you love - one you have planned your life around and the other you have dreamed about all your life.. thats all i really want to say about that.

so i was sitting around the family table on christmas eve listening to.. lol. my aunts and uncles talk about life in general. Life is full of different kinds of people... capable of doing anything-yes anything. i have this one aunt. all my aunts are fabulous. i told them they should write a book. anyway. aunt lan. shes like the super feminist- shes been married for a while now with 3 kids. wonderful lady. i love her. if you didnt know her well.. yeah.. you might be intimidated by her but.. she is my idol man. but at the same time, she is mad cynical. she works at the mall 8-9 hours a day facing people... just serving food.. and she gets *&FDUFDH@@#* from people. People are sick minded. yeah i caught the contagiousness. but she has so many disgusting inhumane degrading stories just from serving food to people. what is up with people? i dont get it. does it kill you to be nice? does it kill you to just keep what you're thinking to yourself sometimes? who gives YOU the right to make nasty comments? i really.. mind my language here.. i really fucking hate people who think that they are all that.. yeah show off. everyone shows off. but fuck. some people are just sick in the head. im saying this because before you decide to open your big fat trap next time. think again about what you say- words stick. they can make or break someones day. so next time. you fucking decide to open your ignorant son of a bitch mouth. think again. its flipping everyone. yeah.. i guess i have become a cynic myself haha.. my point is... i just want you to next time, be nice, it really makes a difference to the person on the receiving end. words are powerful things. use em wisely hm?

thats a lot i have ranted about. a lot that i have.. unravelled about myself. i feel kinda naked -giggles- kidding. but yeah.. i do find it hard to open up to people nowadays. i dont blame you for calling me frigid or... i dont know hypocritical in a sense but.. this is who i am. this is what im comfortable with telling..

we'll have lunch one day huh? you and me?
alright alright.. haha.. i'll let you get back to your lives..

call me!
-peanut in a peanut shell. aka. pauline :-P